Maybe you’re a turfie. If you are, you already know what I’m talking about. I’ll try to explain, in honor of the great American comedian Jeff Foxworthy. You might be a turfie if:

  • You smell the divots before replacing them after a game, or even when playing golf.
  • You wear shorts all day at work, even when it’s below freezing.
  • You feel the need to explain your answer to the question “So, what kind of work do you do?”
  • You own several pairs of tennis shoes that are paint-frosted in several colors.
  • You’ve misidentified grasses – privately or publicly — but you can spot most of the commonly used ones.
  • You’re always the first person in the group to notice any change in the weather.
  • You’ve acted as a meteorologist for weddings or other family gatherings.
  • You can recite verbatim the latest, most updated local weather forecast at any given point.
  • You curse the wind.
  • You’ve pulled a shift of over 100 hours in a bad-weather week and slept in your office with one eye open.
  • You give free lawn or other turf advice – and it’s rarely followed.
  • You’ve been asked for tickets, autographs or sideline passes a million times.
  • You know how they paint those logos and make those “striped mower patterns” on the fields.
  • You don’t water your lawn, you irrigate it using your “irrigation system” (not your sprinklers).
  • You’ve been to so many Sports Turf Managers Association conferences in so many cities, the great memories kind of all blend together: “Wait, was that the St. Louis or Tampa conference?”
  • You feel you deserve team clothes and other swag: “It’s my unalienable right!”

  • While watching outdoor sports on TV, the first thing you notice is the playing surface, not the teams actually playing.
  • You watch the games from the knees down.
  • You’ve left for work in the morning and told your wife: “I’m going home.”
  • You’ve actually talked to your turfgrass fields: “C’mon, baby. Two more games. You can do it.”
  • You believe geese and marketing departments are both parasites.
  • You’re on the commercial/supplier side of the turfgrass industry and you have at least one product or service in your line with the word “Master” in its name.
  • You try to diagnose turfgrass problems while driving past a park or golf course in the car: “Needs some iron…”
  • You’ve grown turf-type grasses from seed in a pot on your porch, either as an ornamental or to conduct hideous experiments on.
  • You correct people when they call it dirt: “It’s soil, not dirt. Soil.”
  • Your Twitter handle has the words turf, fields, grounds or grass in it.
  • You’ve painted, or helped someone paint, a team logo of some kind in their front yard.
  • You like to take pictures of your field or course all dressed up before the game or match, but you rarely take pictures of your field all beat-up after the game or event.
  • When traveling on vacation or business, you visit fellow turfies.
  • You have more turfie friends than non-turfie friends on your social media accounts.
  • And finally, if at the end of the day, you’ve looked over your fields, plots or lawns (or those of your customers) and felt that wonderful feeling of satisfaction in your day’s work. If you get your hands dirty almost every day and you can’t really imagine doing anything else. If you possess an unbridled sense of joy watching athletes compete on your playing field or golf course. If you laugh with your turf teammates and play harmless jokes on each other. If you get anxious in traffic, not because you’re running late, but because you can’t wait to get to work … well, you just might be a turfie.